01/28

I hate myself and I don't know how to be different. 

01/27

Tonight, I'm closing my eyes proud of myself. Loving myself. I pray that's my readers will have nights that end where they feel the same. 💓

ghost hands/undesired touch

When you are made to feel like an object, nothing more than the body that carries you throughout the day, you don't forget it

Firm grasps, suffocating mass, undesired hands

I just sit motionless

Is it over?

As if I wanted it in the first place...

Did I feel you?

I did

I felt him too

And him

And him

Memories haunting my mind

Like the ghost hands that grasp my wrists to hold me still

Or that feel my oversized hoodie to make sure my breast are there

dad

I miss you

Like a quiet room and the silence echos

But it's comfortable

How can the longing of missing someone feel so casual 

As if there is now comfort in that silence

You only needed me when you needed my help

Maybe that's why I look for guys who need fixing

Because all this time the most important man in my life is the one I wanted fixed

I couldn't fix you

I was your daughter

Your first born

But even you couldn't stay

I wasn't even enough for you

today

I feel no powerful wave of emotion

Where use to be whirl winds, roaring thunder, streams of water

I don't feel nothing likewise

I just feel the weight of my soul