Nothing is linear

I know my poems sound glum most of the time

Like damn is she ever in a happy state of mind?

What's crazy is, im really not Eeyore all the time.

I feel my feelings,

writing it what helps me keep sane--

But few know my whole life my mind has been centered around this pain.

Even with the self awareness and my mindset change, 

the way I feel my feelings remains the same.

So i will say again writing is what helps me through the pain.

And when joy comes I bask in the moment, live in the present --

I don't capture these moments in poems, with words and lines.

I capture them with art, and change to my life.

I take photos to capture moments in real time 

I keep trinkets to trigger memories of those good times -- in case the memory slips to the back of the line

I take these moments and create change, im not just growing in age

but with wisdom changing for the better day to day.

With that being said, my feelings don't define me -- as big as they are.

They rise like like the tide, my body feeling every high and low

Like my mind as I continue to try and grow

Nothing is linear

call me kait

I wish I had never told you that I really liked to be called Kait

I didnt know that when the information came rolling off my tongue that you were one of one

While everyone else hears to hear, you hear to listen 

When you say it, its different, it always has been

I cant pinpoint the exact reason

Sometimes its lost to my subconscious, just creeping in the background 

Waiting for those special moments to come around

And I cant tell if its the cadence or tone

Or just your smile

Before I could ignore that, about how warm it made me feel because truth is I didnt know you enough to make those thoughts real 

But when you say it now, its more than warmth that fills this chest and its getting harder for my heart to digress

I catch the thought and feel this rush of emotions

my heart swells because im realizing could spend the rest of my life listening to you say my name in casual conversation

But I stop, I readjust these silly little thoughts

Friends are friends thats all

So i instead soften at the fact that those thoughts could still come true

Even as friends, spending forever listening to you 

homegirl

You say it and I start to feel this feeling

But I divert and adjust because im on a path to healing

See i already know that there are boundaries you wont cross and friends are friends thats all

But im captured by the thought of you and me and the "long haul"

Even thought deep down I feel like for me you'd just be settling 

Negative thoughts just filling the void where my love wants to be let in 

I cant let these thoughts win

the ones that tell me that ill never compare to the women

The places and things that youve seen and done

Deep down knowing all the while I want to be your last one

No I cant let any of these thoughts win at all

Because you taught me true connection 

The type of something that will never withdraw

A life long homegirl love and affection

silent conversations

We talk for hours

Words just rolling off your tongue

I lean in, letting your words find me

Swallowed by the moment of you

Take up my time, take up the space between us

Hear me as I hear you

Actually dont even speak at all

Just your presence wraps around my soul

I fall asleep while watching TV totally on purpose 

I refuse to part ways, unwrapping from your presence that has filled me with this golden glow 

So instead I glance over to see if you notice 

But of course you dont, why would you?

Friends are friends after all

✨️women of compromise✨️

A man of God will not ask you to be a woman of compromise. ❗️Read that again❗️

Do you think thats true ladies? 👀

❓️What does a man of God look like?

❓️What does a man of God ask a woman of God for?

❓️What is being a woman of God?

❓️What does the Bible say about compromise?

Stay tuned 🤞🏻

Just Friends

Boundaries you wont cross

Friend are friends thats all 

I told you good night, hoping you'd stay

Taking up space in where other thoughts might like to play

Said you'll see me in the morning, your form of goodnight

While while my mind has already drifted to waking intertwined

Nothing sexually

Atleast thats the lie I tell myself

Unless you mean the kind of touch that moves gently, touching my skin, gettinf to know my spirit

That kind of meaningful touch you just dont see

See there those those thoughts go again

Flirting without permission

Nudging my heart in the wrong direction

Boundaries you wont cross

Friends are friends thats all 

advice from the trees

● Stand tall and proud 

● Go out on a limb

● Remember your roots

● Drink plenty of water

● Be content with your natural beauty

● Enjoy the view