life

I'm at a really strange place in my life right now. Nothing is pending danger yet I feel as if something is going to happen. So far it's been one thing after another every single day. I'm exausted from working any chance I can yet but the shifts are long and the days are plenty and I just need some rest but I need the bag more. I've lost time with my son, a home, my car and now my phone is fucking up and I'm not sure what I'm going to lose next. All I have left is my job and if I lose that then I am literally left with nothing. All I know is I can't let the devil stop me and win. I have to stay dedicated to my plan and to working on myself even in harsh conditions. I refuse to quit and I refuse to fail. All I ask is God grant me alittle patience while I trust in you and cast all my worry on you. Regardless to how much I think about things or keep dwelling on things it will not change the past nor will it have any positive effect on my future. I can tell you though, that this is the loneliest that I have ever felt. I'm so used to being a nurturer and always taking care of someone that I latch on to people to feed that need and bad habit of mine. This feeling of being alone I have to learn to find comfort in because that is the only way I will find myself and better myself. I can't love anyone until I love myself and I can never be comfortable or okay with another person until I'm okay and comfortable with being alone. With being alone, I have become very observant. I have watched peoples actions towards me and things going on around me and I'm not speaking on them. I'm simply storing them and moving accordingly. It hurts like hell sometimes I won't lie. I have such a big and soft heart that if I'm allowed time to really sit and think about things I can feel my heart start shredding. I just feel everything so deeply. Things will get better, even though I back track and allow myself to get worked up and worried and hurt over these things, it passes and I know good things are bound to be coming my way.