Today's Final Thought

Today I've been out of the sorts. I feel like I have my good days and they are so good and then one day I crash and all the work I've done is gone. People think I'm not trying to change. I was a bitch to someone again over something small. I just melt into a messy puddle of erratic feelings. I feel stupid. I feel embarrassed. I feel ashamed. I carry all that because I know it's me. I am the problem, and this time it isn't just a low blow insult to hurt me. It is the truth. I have demons I'm facing, a storm raging inside that will not quiet. My brain never stops thinking. Why won't it stop thinking? I feel like I'm trying but I don't know if I'm trying my hardest. What if I'm lying to myself? I just want to be better. I want to be better for myself and for other people because I can't keep losing and pushing people away. I cause my own pain because of my own issues. What do you do when you are battling yourself?